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Bad Week

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It is my first visit to my supervisor after three weeks I did not see her.  Three weeks ago she said thing that made my life change and at the same time like falling into endless cliff. It has been almost five months she is supervising my thesis. I visited her regularly to have my writing checked. It seems like she agrees with the topic I am studying, and I continue writing almost finish.

Yet, three weeks ago she said, ‘change your topic, focus on lesson planning’. I could only say yes. I believe what she said is final. Then, I went home and confused.

I got very ill since then, but I try to read and read and buy some books what I think has connection with the new topic. I found many discrepancies on my self. The books I bought some of them have nothing to do with the topic, and at the same time, I did not have any financial power to buy other books. It is like a very perfect day to blame my destiny.

Even though it was very hard, I started writing chapter one-the introduction. The chapter sound very weird to me, but I must submit it or I loose all my chance to be found serious by my supervisor.

Then, I sat in the chair waiting for the supervisor to come. It was eight in the morning. I met another student; he is from class-c. I asked him whether he would do the similar thing as I did. He replied no, but he would have ‘seminar phase one’. Oh gosh, this is too painful. If the supervisor did not turn down my thesis and ask me to write from zero, I would be in his position, waiting for the seminar. The worse, I get penalized to pay the six million school-fees as my writing has not noted joining seminar by this 15 July. I got very angry to myself; it was my stupidity that makes me lost six millions.

Back again to my visit, I wait and wait and wait. My friend who will have seminar was called and did his seminar, but I still wait. My supervisor did not want to see me; she said she had no time to supervise me. I returned home at six in the afternoon and got nothing but sick in the heart. This is unfair.

I almost forgot, before I went home, around five in the afternoon, I met two junior high school English’s teachers. They said ‘you are here, we are here too because we got scholarship to continue my study here for three semester to get our master degree. We were supported by preliminary directorate and now we are on ‘study status’ and we are free from teaching. We were given ‘shortened program’ to get our master degree, so how’s your study?’

The statement above made me see nothing but black. I worked very hard to get my master degree and pay every cent of it from my own pocket and got no help. But they talked about pursuing master degree with all those laugh as if laughing my unfortunate study-life and mock my ‘writing from zero’. I know, they get an easy way to get their degree and then finish their study very soon as the program said so. I could say nothing but smile to their long statement. What a life. I study very hard every day, and get nothing, but they get a very luxurious facility and does nothing just sit down and then the degree comes to them. This is unfair (again).

The next day, I went to school to have my papers signed by my principal. This happens because the directorate of Jakarta turned down my proposal to fulfill my credit rating and get my 4.b leveled. While I am waiting for the principal who is talking with guests, my friends said lightly ‘you know, Mr. X, Mrs. Y, and Mr. Z has just got their promotion of 4.b, they asked for Mrs. T help’s to do so, and paid Mrs. T six millions to get their 4.b. I guess you must also do the same thing, you had proposed you 4.b for a year but no answer and news’. Again this strikes my heart very ugly. I worked very hard using ‘clean way’ and fail, but my friends did nothing ‘using bribery’ and succeed. This is very unfair and sucked.

Anyway, my principal signed the papers. He asked ‘what is this about?’ I said plainly ‘my proposal for 4.b’. Then, I went home as quickly as I can; this is too much; I can’t stand this anymore.


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